Shalem Consulting

trauma-informed-care-training.pptx

The last few weeks in counseling, I have been working on intimacy with my clients. Perhaps the most misunderstood word, I often think of the old line from the Princess Bride, “That word, I don’t think it means what you think it means”. What is the meaning of intimacy.

There are four types of intimacy that I have been teaching. Physical, Emotional, Intellectual and Spiritual. Physical does not always equate to sexual, another concept our society grossly misunderstands.

Humans are odd creatures. I personally feel we are weirder than platypuses (platypussies?). We are useless for roughly the first 18 months of our lives and our lives are greatly determined how we navigate the first 4 years. Of course, this is far too simplistic of an explanation, but it works.

As parents, we have a lot to do those first four years. Creating a healthy understanding of intimacy for our kids sets them up for the future. What did you do at school today encourages intellectual intimacy. It also encourages emotional intimacy and maturity. It then sets the ball in motion for that kid to be a successful teenager and mitigates identity confusion. It also creates an emotionally safe space which mitigates the fighting often portrayed between the teen and their parent.

Done correctly, establishing proper intimacy prepares the young person to navigate a healthy relationship with their future spouse.

I hear it all the time, “I don’t have time”. Pictured are my meals for the week. It took me around 2.5 hours to create the Kabobs, cut cheeses, peppers and the chili pictured.

What is time?

 

I am sitting this morning at my in laws house in my warm fleece lined pants contemplating the last year and what is next. What does 2018 hold for you all? Some are graduating? Some are taking on new sports, musical or academic challenges? Are any of you taking on the “R” word, resolution? I challenge you to not take up a resolution. I instead encourage you to carry on living in the spirit of Christ and live each day next in constant awareness of Christ all around you.
I have been studying a philosopher and theologian over Advent named Paul Tillich. He has been talking a lot about anxiety. I think my biggest take away is that anxiety is a normal part of our lives. We are anxious because we are alive and we don’t know what is next. Anxiety becomes a problem when it takes away from us being the person we were meant to be, Tillich calls these self defying behaviors. On the opposing side then are self affirming behaviors. In the coming year, there will be anxious moments to be sure. Self affirming behaviors are those behaviors that build you up as a person and help you be the best person you were meant to be. Being with your community, reaching out to those you love and as cliched as it may be, walk daily with the Lord are all behaviors that I encourage you all to comitt to in 2018.